Spilling my guts – body blows and blessings

Tell you or not tell you? I’ve been missing in action since September 24, my last post. First, let’s cut to the chase: nothing life-threatening has happened despite the title of this entry. That said, there were some events…

Apropos enough, today’s Daily Prompt asked when it was appropriate to unplug from the little blinking screens. I am taking that as an inquiry as to when we feel it is time to pause, reflect, regenerate and, Lord knows, when to take a vacation, she said wistfully. For me, it is when my brain is so active, I’m losing weight just from brain energy expenditure.

    Blessing:

On September 11, I started a Bible Study class. Confession: I have tried many, many times to read the Bible and, while much of it is good and uplifting, there’s plenty, especially in the Old Testament to give one the willies. Those were fierce, desperate times with some very odd customs, confusing to this modern, albeit old-fashioned mind. I figured it was just me missing some key that others had that gave them such comfort from reading it. After all, the Bible is the best selling book, ALWAYS has been and continues to this day. So, the failure to appreciate it was within me.

Many of you might remember, earlier posts spoke of my looking for people comfortable with saying the word God, much less His name. I sympathize with that inasmuch as I could only say for the longest time, “the Source.” I couldn’t make it past the vestibule of my local church without suffering what felt like a panic attack. So. And so. My upstairs neighbor is involved with teaching Bible Study and she is the happiest, most positive person I know. I asked her to let me know when the next one began and she did and I signed up for it, not having the faintest idea what I was committing myself to, just following the inner direction of “Do it, HuntMode.” Well, it turns out to be fascinating. Honest to God. It is done through the Bible Study Fellowship, it is non-denominational interdenominational, though Christian in nature, and this session is a 30 week commitment. And we’re only studying Matthew. Thirty weeks, which with holidays, means this goes until late April/May. Whoa. It has been a joy and an intellectual scholarly feast. Truly. Pieces I’ve had scattered through my mind are finally coming together in a way that makes sense to me. Of course, I’ve gotten utterly carried away and am in hot pursuit of every reference, which leads to other stories, which makes me want context and I find the 15-30 minute lesson extends into hours. I’ll write more of this in another post. Just catching you up.

    Body Blow:

September 18, I got a notice from Extended Unemployment Benefits that this was my last check. Washington State had determined to cut off Tier III, which I’d been told I would have and had figured I could last through the end of the year, while looking for employment. I did call to see if there had been a mistake. Twice. No. No notice either, though they insist they sent notice via email on August 5. Not according to my records. To say this felt like a body blow is a misnomer. It felt like I’d been shot. I froze in place taking it in. Rent was due by October 1, not to mention other payments scheduled via auto-withdrawal, and anyone who participates in auto-withdrawal knows it just keeps coming and coming and coming.

I kept telling myself to breathe, just breathe, Huntie. I was tempted to see if I was bleeding and just how bad had I been hit. But then, that would have been fanciful, right? I am a stress expert, certified so. Plus, I was in emergency management. I did know I was hurt enough that I had to reach out and I called a friend of mine, leaving word that I was in trouble and needed help. Then, I couldn’t sit still and fled my house. I figured if I visited another friend, whose work schedule gets her home about the time I fled the house, I would keep all the pieces of me from flying apart. Dignity would require it. That worked. Thank You, God, for good friends.

    Blessing:

When I got home that night, there was a voicemail from my friend saying “Call me.” Without hesitation, she said she would deposit $1,000 in my checking account the next day and to tell her a budget of what I would need until January. Can you believe that? A fortune to my way of thinking. The unemployment benefits had been cut by 21.8% back in May due to the Sequester, so I’d already been surviving by dancing back and forth in paying Paul, then Peter (a little Bible play there, if you will.) Monthly benefit payments had added up to $1,324 with rent and one utility bill being $775. Mind, I am very grateful to have had those benefits and the conservative in me understands the drawback and the termination. Notice would have been helpful.

The next day there is an email from my friend saying she had made the deposit. This friend suffers from sleep problems. You never call before noon because she might have finally fallen asleep around 7:00 a.m. The time stamp on the email said 10:30 a.m. She had made that deposit and returned home before 10:30 a.m. Right there is reason to hit my knees in gratitude and thankfulness. But, wait there’s more. She hadn’t deposited $1,000. She had deposited $3,500. Now, can you believe that?!

There have been more oddities, but this is a good start on spilling my guts, so I’m going to leave it there. Thanks for listening. And, for my readers who kept coming back or popping in and the new ones who signed up to be notified of any posting – Well, thank you very much. Grin.

8 thoughts on “Spilling my guts – body blows and blessings

  1. Keeping it real…and keeping us on the edge of our seats! Your real life struggle, and buoyant spunk, are good for our souls too. I read today (in Facebook of all places!) that Saint Paul writes “It is when he is weak that the strength of Christ is seen.” “n other words, when we can’t do it any longer. When we are fed up. When it has become too much. When we have nothing left. When we are empty. When it is beyond our capability to deal with it. Then, in that moment, the strength of the God of resurrection will be seen. Until we get to that point, we rely on ourselves thinking we can handle it and take care of the problem.” (Nate Lyle)

    Huntie, you show authentic Faith, and know through your study, that you truly believe your life is in God’s Hands. Your faith engages God with the full brunt of your emotion and pain. Through your Faith, you will see your salvation. You are amazing!

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  2. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Bloggers, unplugged. | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

  3. This is one thing that I understand very well P. I don’t have friends that did those things for me, but my family helped where they could.
    I’m breathing slightly easier these days, because I have my course of action in place. And G-d has shown me that He does have a plan for me, although I doubt that i will be taking up Bible study anytime soon! Not because of the Bible, but because of the people that I will have to surround myself with!
    I really hope you find your way one way or the other – G-d does know what’s potting, even if we don’t!

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  4. Hunt, I wish I could thank your friend. You have clearly been blessed in so many ways, with friendships and caring and on and on. I knew you were special when we 1st started talking. I am truly glad we have begun our own friendship. With you everything seems to go full cycle, you issues and joys never stop in the middle, they just complete the cycle. I am glad to be in one of the loops. Take care, Bill

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