It’s been bugging me, I admit it.
For the newbies, I did a series recently, entitled “Between you and me….” I agree it got a little long there. Here’s the confession part: I feel like I dropped the ball in Part 8. It wasn’t what you expected, was it? Now, the odd thing is…my stats went through the roof, but only a comment here and there…and a Like, as well. Still… views went from an all time day high of 34 (back in April – about art) to 109 during this series. Hmmm. And then I didn’t deliver on the suspense. Bad form.
The good news I had wanted to convey is that despite this sudden growing older ~ trust me it is sudden to us! ~ the day I wrote Parts I-VII, I had come to terms with it.
It being: looking down and seeing my mother’s hands, not mine. My grandmother’s pale feet with their high arch. My father’s horse racing legs. The wrinkles at the corners of my eyes. The brackets around mouth and nose that I find myself gently erasing each time I face myself in the mirror ~ by pulling gently back on the skin of my cheeks near my hairline. Nobody ever confesses this stuff. Not willingly anyway.
I could feel the letdown myself and threw in Part 9 to give back the gift of laughter. Near as I can tell, hardly a few went for it. Pity that. It was quite funny. (Still there, if you’re of a mind.)
One friend said in passing, “Oh, that part about your husband… It was so… (tragic? epic? a love story gone so wrong?)” or words to that effect. Others emailed or wrote to make sure I wasn’t at death’s door. Bless their cotton picking socks. In fact, I was at peace, filled with a soft lit joy. I had accepted that my time of jumping out of planes, performing Tae Kwon Do and yelling my blood-curdling scream of “Ay-Yah!” or “Kill!” had passed… I should mention the Springfield Armory 9mm 4.5″ semi-automatic helps the transition.
I like what I have grown up to be. Yes, I have paid the price for my choices. The good ones and the bad ones. Do I have some regrets? Sure. But I would not be the person I like so much today if I hadn’t made mistakes along the way. There is a richness in this time, as well as fear of growing older, alone and maybe needing one of those medallions on a chain to summon help if I fall… agh….. (not completely adjusted just yet).
As to the mission, I still haven’t the faintest idea how to accomplish it. I just go where the joy takes me with the affirmation: “I have clarity and understanding regarding my purpose. I am able to pursue my goals, dreams and purpose with the full commitment of my heart and soul and wholehearted joy. …” God’s Plan, God’s Budget. For the record, I am still in hot pursuit. Flashing grin.
Well, there you have it. Mea culpa for leading you along, but I am truly happy and content. Today. Tomorrow, who knows? I’m still questing, and for that, search with the words “Don Quixote.”
We might call this Part 8(a).
To round this off, I found myself noodling today, listening to songs I’ve enjoyed and came across this one: