Sunday is my Sabbath, which I try to keep sacred.
I woke this morning and found my mind straying to old painful memories for no good reason, just going there. Plus, I am subject to music Wyrms. If you do not know what that is, trust me, you don’t suffer from it. Okay, I’ll tell you. A Music Wyrm is when a song gets inside your head and won’t go away, it just repeats in your head.
Two nights ago, on the 28th, I scheduled a post for 12/29 at 1:00 a.m. and it contained a song, “The Soliloquy.” It has now been playing non-stop in my head, full orchestration, for over 35 hours or more, I think. I say “or more,” because it continues while I am sleeping. I know this because I get up a couple of times during the night, as ya do, and it is still playing non-stop. Now, really, no matter how much I may like a song, I do not like anything on endless repeat.
So, there’s Frank bellowing away in my head, old thoughts banging away, and I decide to put on Joel Osteen, who always makes me feel good and positive. Now, in keeping with economizing, one of my biggest bills was my cable and internet bill. Back in September, I made the decision to switch to a less expensive internet service – combining it with my phone service, a very good deal, actually. I canceled my cable service and, since my TV is analog, well then, it all comes from the internet. Many people do this. Most are not news addicts. Full spectrum, full source news addicts. I was and still am. Wait, I’m getting there.
My internet service went off without a seeming glitch. Ay yup. Just a little one. The video and audio do not sync up in full screen. It’s okay in the little tiny screen, but not full screen – unless, I’m using Amazon or Netflix or RedBox for movies. For news, for Joel, for anything else that uses video and audio, it’s simply mind-bendingly maddening. During cop shows, the cops are in the process of assaulting some bad guys house and I hear the knock before the cop knocks on the door. I hear the gunshot before the gun is in his hand. Argh. Poor Joel was smiling and waving his hands around as he does and, in self defense, I went to small screen – his lips were out of line with what he was saying and that is not Joel Osteen…
Yes, I’ve spoken with my telephone/internet service company and they were great. Very responsive, no sarcasm. They checked this, that and the other and all systems were go. We spent almost two hours trying to track down the problem. The guy admitted he was baffled and sent me another modem – about a month or so ago. Sadly, the problem continues and I do not have the heart to complain again (except here). 🙂
I am not looking for you to fix this, I’m just cluing you in on my Sunday. My Sabbath of peace and tranquility and closeness to God. Ay yup. For anyone not from Maine, you draw those syllables out when you say, “Ay yup,” so it sounds more like, “Aaaayyyyyy yyyyuuuupppp.” Joel’s sermons last about 30 minutes and I listened to two of ’em today, observing how many tasks came to mind for me to rush off and do. There were a lot of ’em. One really got me going and I leapt to my feet, went over to the computer and clicked pause. Joel kept right on talking. I kept hitting pause and he kept right on talking. Alrighty then, God. I’ll go sit back down and peace, be still, and know that You are God.
One sermon was whatever harm you think has been done you, “Get over it.” You cannot be kept from your destiny unless you chose to fall back and hold yourself out as less than what God made you to be. The other was on negative labels. What people say about can sink into your heart, your bones, your memories and take hold, and with the mind’s wonderful capacity to repeat especially the negative, you begin to believe it, that you’re less than, that you did something unforgiveable, no hurt can be put right… And, still, there was Frank bellowing away in my head.
I closed my eyes the better to hear Joel and focus on God’s Light pouring into me. …now, ordinarily when I close my eyes, I see on my mind’s eye screen a gorgeous amount of golden light streaming towards me and on me, down through the top of my head, sometimes straight through my forehead and eyes, pouring down every inch of my body and out through my toes. I breathe in and say to myself, “I breathe in health” and as I breathe out, I say to myself, “I release what is not.” … This time…
What I saw on the inner screen of my mind’s eye was a flat screen monitor with no picture. It was dark. Not turned on. Hmmm. Had I spent too much time on the internet? Was my monitor going to break? Had I spent too much time on the internet….? What are you telling me, God?
The quickest way I have found to break a pattern is to put music on, something I know brings a certain mood. So, I put Pandora on and it popped up to Christmas carols… No, that wasn’t going to do it even if it did give me another music wyrm – we won’t go into what I went thru pre-Christmas. So, I looked over my various “collections,” and spotted the one titled, “Pretty Woman Radio.” Schzamm! That might do it. Click. And, there was my answer from God, delivered via Pandora: